basedgosh:

fred phelps gonna meet god at the pearly gates and gods gonna be like “literally what the fuck kind of bible did you read?” and send him straight through the floor to chill with satan

(via fasterfood)

fasterfood:

not sure about the hype of going to expensive preppy private colleges. u get the same degree whether u spend $20k/year at a state school or $60k/year at an ivy league. choose wisely

fasterfood:

i will never understand how people spend time being upset over their physical appearance. like damn if u think u ugly then that should just lead u to think “well ok, if my face aint gonna reel em in, i best become rich”. then u get on ur grind & get motivated to make a ton of money so u kno u can reel em in with riches. by the time u realize ur not as bad lookin as u once thought, u will also have a shitload of money to celebrate with. no use wasting time tryna change something u cant

drarna:

before blaming others, think: whats the 1 constant in all your failed relationships? its that cursed egyptian amulet why do u even have that

(Source: neptunain, via fasterfood)

fartgallery:

d0nn0:

fartgallery:

fartgallery:

my big question is why are we wasting all this money on “health care” and “education” when we could be using it to paint the moon to look like a giant floating boob

reblogging because a crow on a pole outside my window just cawed while bobbing its head a few times

what does that have to do with anything??

it was cool

(via fasterfood)

rosaparking:

rnacintosh:

rosaparking:

im craving asparagus wtf is wrong with me

it’s better than craving for her to love me back

i dont know what to say im sorry

(via fasterfood)

kingloptr:

fruitappreciation:

omg apparently artificial banana flavoring is based on the gros michel banana which was wiped out by a banana plague in the 50s and the banana we eat today is a totally different thing called the cavendish and thats why banana candy doesnt taste like bananas do you know how lied to i feel. like there was a fucking banana apocalypse and no one told me about it until now

image

(via fasterfood)

fasterfood:

welcome to coach ella. im not sure what this music festival you kids have been whispering about is, but now youre stuck here. as your new coach, i want everyone in the audience to start by doing 50 pushups. nobody leaves without running a 5k

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